Choices
by Dyslexic CSI
Summary: You need to make a decision, the longer you wait, the more diffult our job becomes. Who would you like to save, Dr Cuddy or her baby? But he can't make up his mind in this situation because whoever he decides to save, he is going to be the ultimate loser.


**Disclaimer:** All belong to David, Katie and Bad Hat Harry. Will return them when I'm done

**A/N:** I know I said I was going to stop writing, but this was in the process of being edited so it really doesn't count. Anyway hope you guys like. Set a bit in the future but does not follow th eplot line of the current season.

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**Choices**

Beep…

The silence of the white, sterile room was broken only by the steady beat of the heart monitor.

Beep…

Slow, steady, reliable.

Beep…

Her chest rises, oxygen is taken into her lungs, is transported to her heart and the rest of her body, keeping her alive then her chest falls, and the carbon dioxide is pushed out. The process is repeated again… and again… and again…

Beep…

The sound emanating from the small machine at short intervals is reassuring, though they all know it's just a temporary solution to the larger dilemma they have to face.

Beep…

With every beat that passes they know she is slipping more into the danger zone and it's not good for either of them, but no one has the courage to ask the man to make his decision. He's locked himself up in her office on the ground floor, for the past hour and nothing anyone said could make him change his mind to exit it and come up and see her, even for a moment. To someone who doesn't know him, it looks like he doesn't care as to what happens to her, but to his closest friends, they know he needs the time and space to think about what he wants to do. Well he knows what he wants to do; he just has no idea how he's going to get it done and do it correctly right now.

Beep…

Another minute passes and everyone standing around her bed heave in deep breaths, not sure if the next one is going to come or not, or if the last one will be followed by one long, uninterrupted beep, signalling the end of everything he knew, he knows and he will know, signalling the end of him, because without her there is no him, because no matter how much he denies it, they all know she is the yang to his ying, she is the Juliet to his Romeo, she is a part of him.

Beep…

Finally, after another forty five minutes, he rounds the corner and they all stiffen as they hear his three legged footsteps approaching. None of them have the strength to face him, because they all know that what happens next is based solely on the decision he makes and yes it does seem like he has the world's problems on his shoulders. The hallway is quiet, despite the fact that there are at least eight people standing along the walls leading to her room. He falters for a second, surprised to see his former ducklings and his current lackeys leaning against the sterile white walls, their heads all bowed and their eyes cast on the blue vinyl flooring.

He sees a doctor approaching and he stiffens at the expression on the older man's face. He knows that look, it's the one his lackeys use when they've used up all their resources and run out of diagnoses for their patients and all they can offer is hope. He loathes that look, because that means there is nothing after this, just waiting for the end to come.

"I'm sorry, but have any of Dr Cuddy's family arrived yet?" the bald doctor in the starched white lab coat asks, but House stands rooted to his spot, not saying a word. He knows he should say something but the words die on his lips. A movement at the end of the corridor catches his attention and then he hears the words he doesn't ever think he'll get used to.

"I'm Aaron, Dr Cuddy's fiancé," and while House's heart shatters into a million pieces his face remains expressionless, the only sign of his dislike for the man showing in the clenching of his jaw and the flame in his icy blue eyes.

A quick glance into her room through the glass walls confirms that her condition hasn't improved at all since she was brought in four hours ago. She's still lying unconscious on the bed that looks too big for her, even with her pregnant belly, and her skin almost matches that of the white linen that covers the bed. He doesn't even realise that the glass cup he was holding has shattered and has already cut into his skin, allowing blood to ooze out of the wound until Cameron takes it out from his hand and calls for a first aid kit.

"Aaron, you need to make a decision, the longer you wait, the more difficult it becomes for us to save either of them. Who would you like to save, Dr Cuddy or her baby?" the doctor asks and House clenches the fist Chase is still examining, his blue eyes flashing dangerously. Cameron has been watching her former boss closely and she doesn't miss the way he reacts when the doctor asks another man to make a decision that will ultimately affect House's life.

"Cuddy named Dr House as her medical proxy. Just because he says he is her fiancé does not mean he gets to decide which one of them to save. It's not Aaron's decision to make - Dr House gets to make the call." She doesn't offer any other explanation and she doesn't expect anyone to challenge her statement even though she could be lying. She and Dr Cuddy had somehow gotten closer since Cameron had become Head of the ER and after Cuddy had decided to adopt Rachel. The bald man looks expectantly at House, who merely growls something undecipherable and stomps his way into Cuddy's room without giving the man a second look.

Beep…

He looks up at the machine she's hooked up to and heaves in a deep, tired breath. Usually he knows exactly what to do, exactly which person he should save, and which person his team to should give up on, but he can't make up his mind in this situation, because whoever he decides to save, he is still going to be the loser. House takes a seat on the chair placed next to her bedside and takes her tiny, fragile hand in his and squeezes gently.

Beep…

His mind is transported back to the fateful night that has put him in this damn quandary in the first place. He had seen Cuddy leaving the building with someone he had never seen before and for some reason it had bothered him more than he cared to admit. Wilson had assured him that the lunch was strictly business, but House just would not let it go. When she had returned from lunch, with her blue eyes twinkling and her red coated lips wearing a radiant smile he knew it was more than just lunch and he intended to find out just how much more.

So here he was at eleven thirty at night standing on her doorstep, soaking wet from the rain and waiting for her to come and open the front door for him. As soon as the door swung open he stepped inside not bothering to leave his dripping jacket on the stand set out just for that. Instead he made his way directly to her bedroom hoping with all his heart that her bedroom was empty. He came to an abrupt halt when he saw the small bundle of a child wrapped up snugly in her soft sheets. Off course, Cuddy would never have brought a man home now that she had adopted the sprog.

He felt her crash into him with a slight force because of his sudden halt and he felt as her arm wrapped around his middle so as to prevent them both from falling over.

"You're making a mess on my carpet," she scolded him but his brain was having a hard time processing what she was saying. He was more interested in how her chest was pressed into his back and her arms were still looped around him, though they were not at risk of falling over anymore.

A long few minutes pass before she realises that he can not make a move because she's still holding onto him. Cuddy reluctantly lets him go and turns him around as fast as him bum leg would allow him to. Looking at his soaking clothes, she instinctively grabs a hold of his shirt and T-shirt and slips it off his head and drops it to the floor.

"You're going to catch a cold," is her excuse when he looks at her with an arched eyebrow.

"Yes, of course, it has nothing to do with you wanting to see me naked," he replies, his tone more than suggestive. She tries to dismiss it with a quiet laugh, but he knows he is right.

"House, if I wanted to see you naked, I would have done so a long time ago," he watches as a blush creeps up her neck and cheeks while she focuses her gaze just somewhere below his chin.

He takes a step closer to her, and he can hear her pull in a sharp breath. He lifts her chin with a finger, until her silver blue gaze is pinned by his sapphire ones. Slowly he leans his head toward hers and he is not surprised when she meets him halfway, her lips melding to his, kissing him softly. She tardily leads him to her bed, without disengaging her mouth from his, and he lands on the bed on his back under her long lean body. It is then they both remember her kid is still there and that this should not go any further. Cuddy rolls off him and gathers Rachel up in her arms to take her to her room and when she returns in all but a short T-shirt House knows their relationship is about to go through a major change.

She makes her way back to him, and before he can even say a word she's kissing him again, and this time its more than friendly, House can feel the want, the passion, the need for him in that one kiss. His hands settle on her hips as she sits on his lap careful of his right thigh, and they roan the expanse of her small back as he infinitely pulls her closer to him. Soon enough their clothes are scattered around the room and they are writhing together, passionately on her bed.

A few weeks later she tells him she's pregnant and it doesn't take him long to figure out the reason she has decided to share this news with him. He was going to be a father, not just any father, a father for the child she is carrying and his heart jumps at the thought. But House being himself messes things up in no time and the next thing he knows she's dating someone, and from what Wilson understands it is quite serious. A few days after his conversation with Wilson he catches her in the clinic, just as her patient was leaving the room, and he shoves her back inside, closing the door with a resounding thud.

Her back hits the door and his chest is pressed up to hers as his hands caress the skin on her waist, leaving her skin scorching where his fingers trail. He kisses her fiercely, as he melds his mouth to hers, his tongue searching for hers while his hands inch up her body from her waist to her chest and then settle on her abdomen. She manages to move from the door to the exam table where he can sit, not putting pressure on his leg but she doesn't stop kissing him. They're still kissing madly when Cameron barges in with a patient file in her hand, ready to ask Cuddy for her input, but she stops short, her mouth hanging open and she steps back out, without saying a word. Over the months she's caught them kissing and sharing intimate moments but she's never said a word about it.

Beep…

House is pulled out of his thoughts when he hears a bit of a commotion outside Cuddy's room, and he is in no mood to actually break up a fight right now. He has more important things to think about so the morons outside should just take their business somewhere else. He grabs his cane in his right hand and stands up from the bed, muttering something about peoples' lack of manners and not respecting others' privacy. He slides the door open with fury intending to lash out at whoever it is that is yelling at the top of her voice, but he stops himself when he sees the look on Wilson's face, and where his gaze is focused.

The diagnostician turns his head to look at what has caught his friend's attention and for the second time that day, he feels like his heart has shattered into a million pieces, and he will not be able to put it all back together. Standing before him with a crying, fussing two and a half year old Rachel in her hands is Cuddy's assistant, who looks like she she's going to cry if the child does not stop crying for her mother.

"I'm sorry Dr Wilson, I tried to calm her down but she just won't I don't know what to do," the girl informs Wilson timidly, and before Wilson can say or do anything House grabs the crying kid from the assistant's hands and immediately Rachel stops whimpering. The feel of Rachel's soft body against his calms him for a moment, and he wishes he can stay like this forever, no decision making, not feeling like his world is about to collapse before him, and he his helpless to even try and save it.

Then the sound they have all been dreading comes – the regular beeping from the machine Cuddy is hooked up to, turns into one long beep, signalling the end of her, of him, of everything. His brain is still trying to process what is going on around him while Chase, Thirteen, Wilson and Kutner all rush into the room, with the crash cart and shouting for help. House collapses into the chair Cameron brought over for him, Rachel still holding on to him.

Twenty minutes later when they finally stabilize her and her baby, they exit her room, with Wilson being the last to leave. Chase offers him a squeeze on his shoulder, which is supposed to offer comfort, but for some reason does not. Kutner and Thirteen walk away without saying anything, simply because they know nothing they say is going to change the situation he is facing right now. Finally Cameron seats herself on the arm rest of the chair House is occupying and she lets out a long sad sigh.

He turns his body a little so he can get a better look at her, while he tries not to disturb Rachel who is glued to his chest, her head resting comfortably on his shoulder and her one hand rubbing the stubble on his cheek. She's been quite so far and House does not want to prompt another outburst from her. Cameron looks at the man sitting before her, and she knows his pain, she's been there before, and she knows what she's about to tell him might make him hate her for the rest of her life, but she's decided it is something she can live with.

Her voice is soft, as she begins to speak. "House, you have to let him go." His eyes flash and his hands clench into fists, but he holds himself; he's never hit a woman before, and he is not going to start with her. Sure, she knows how much this baby means to Cuddy, she's caught them stealing touches and kisses in the last few months, and she without a doubt knows that House is the father of Cuddy's baby but she's never said a word… until now.

"The longer you wait, the harder its going to get to save either of them," she continues when he doesn't say anything. And then he sees her gaze focus on Rachel.

"She's wanted this kid forever," he states, his voice low but steely. He's admitted he's not one for crying, pooping, ball of furs, but this is his parasite, and that is what makes all the difference, because now its personal and he just does not have the courage to not save it. "She is so close to getting everything he's always wanted.

Cameron places a comforting hand on the back of his, steels herself and continues to talk to the man in hushed tones.

"She'll forgive you," Cameron says and when House looks up at her he sees the secret in her eyes, but before he can ask her any more about it, the look is gone, the story to be told some other time.

"Yeah, but she'll hate me," comes his reply.

"At least she'll be around to hate you," and while her tone is neutral and soft, it still stings and he hates that Cameron is right as usual.

House stands up from his chair and, mumbles something to Wilson before stalking off to the privacy and tranquillity of Cuddy's office. He is stopped by Aaron who for some reason thinks Rachel would rather spend time with him than House. Rachel starts screaming at the sight of Aaron and its all the sign that House needs to move away from the group.

Three hours later House and Rachel are woken by the ringing phone on Cuddy's desk. He grabs the receiver from the cradle and answers gruffly, "House," without thinking. Thankfully its Wilson on the other end, informing House that everything is over and he needs to come out of hiding. The lanky man grabs Rachel and heads up to the recovery room, his heart thudding wildly in his chest and the blood rushing through his veins.

He sees his posse waiting outside her room, clearly waiting for him. He enters her room and before anyone else can go in too, he shuts the door with a forceful whoosh, leaving almost all the people outside confused. He takes in his surroundings, all the machinery, tubes, silver equipment and sterile white sheets. And then he hears it…

Beep…

He watches as the chest rises and falls, oxygen being pushed into lungs and the carbon dioxide pushed out. The process is repeated again… and again… and again.

It's now a year later and House is seated on the carpeted floor of Cuddy's home, with three year old Rachel crawling all over him, talking merrily to herself. It has been a long road to recovery, and while they're still not there, House is happy with the decision he's made. He turns his head to look at Cuddy as she sits on the sofa, smiling down at him and the picture he and Rachel have painted for her. He knows neither of them will be able to forgive him for the decision he made, but that's fine because at least she's still here.

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Hope you liked it please leave a review on your way out.

till next time


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